Good Friday

Catholic problems: #1 There it's no consolation in an empty church!

It's Good Friday, the most devastating day in history, and I cannot go to church for comfort because Jesus is not there.

I was raised Catholic, and throughout my whole life I have always been able to walk into any Catholic church and feel the presence of Jesus. I knew I was not alone. I was sitting with a person, the person I love the most. I could feel him as close as if he were sitting right next to me. Always. Except on Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Then I can only feel his absence.

I've been to a few protestant churches over the years. It saddens me because it's an empty church; there is no one there, waiting for me. I walk into a Catholic church on Good Friday and I think I know a little of what Mary Magdalene felt that morning when she saw the stone rolled away. Where is my Lord?! Please! Where have you taken him?

Today I cannot go to church and feel that absence. Today I'm in the out patient waiting room; while my baby is in OR. He's okay; they say it's a common hernia in preemie and it's a simple procedure. I'm actually not very worried about him. But I'm emotionally compromised just because I'm a mother. And it's Good Friday. I always cry on Good Friday.

I want to end this ramble on a happy note, with hope. I know intellectually that there is hope because the Resurrection has happened. The glory and the joy of Easter is coming. But is a day to accept the devastation of our human condition and the loss of the Savior. Today, I will smile when people tell me how cute the twins are, and I will let my tears flow.