Friday, October 21, 2016

Cold and Cruel

Mothers are some of the most heartless people in the world. It's really not fair, if you want your children to turn out as decent people you have to be constantly denying them their hearts desires. There is a kind of horrible power in it; I can walk through my house and in one pass leave a wake of sorrow and despair. For instance:

"No, you may not have ice cream for breakfast."
"AAAAAHHHH!"

"It doesn't matter if he looked at you, you cannot break his Lego's"
"WHAAAAAA! YOUDONTLIKEME!"


"DON'T POUR MILK ON THE FLOOR!"
"AAAAAAAIIIIIHHHHHGGGGGGG!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Incredible is not real. She is just part of a story they made up to help make a fun movie. I cannot reach the toy you threw into the black hole."
". . . . . . . . . . . . . *multiple heads explode**red matter injected into the core of the earth*'
(They honestly thought I'd been holding out on them with this one. I could shoot Brad Bird.)

"I'm sorry I can't hold you right now, Ineedtothrowup!"
"WAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH!"

"No, you cannot take a shower with me; every once in a while I need to be by myself."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGG!! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE! YOU HATE ME! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?! AAAAAAAHHHHH! i'M MELTING! MELTING! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A GOOD LITTLE GIRL LIKE YOU COULD DESTROY MY BEAUTIFUL WICKEDNESS?! AAAAAAAA! AAAAAA! OOOoooo......."

Stunning, kid. You get an Oscar. Now put your shoes on, it's time to go.



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